Adoption Update #12

In addition to the 2 girls we had already submitted our PPA and photo books for, another little girl (2 yrs old in our own county) became available for adoption.  So we jumped on that and submitted our stuff for her too.

Here's what happened.  We know for sure we didn't get 2 of the 3 girls.  One of the girls we had originally been interested in was matched with a different family.  This little girl's case worker had been very excited about us initially and had stated that we were one of the families she was interested in.  But my case worker believes we were not selected because of our location to where the child is.  We are about 7 hours away.  The child's case worker would have been responsible for follow up visits and my case worker said that "caseworkers don't like to travel".

And the little 2 yr old girl from our county was also matched with a different family.  This was hard for us because we know exactly why we were not selected.  We weren't selected because the little girl is African American and her case worker specifically requested that she be placed with an African American family.  It's hard to know that we would have had a good shot except for the color of our skin.  I feel like it's racist, but my case worker explained that it's been happening a lot lately.  Children want to be surrounded by people who look like them, who act like them, who have the same believes as them.

We have not heard anything about the final girl we were interested in, but we assume we did not get her because we submitted our PPA and photo book quite a while ago.  We also know that the little girl was heavily involved with a baptist church and the case worker was trying to match the girl with a family who would continue to take her to a baptist church each Sunday where she enjoys singing in the choir.  This child is also far from us.  About 6 hours away.

I'm feeling upset, sad, emotional, and hurt.  It's really hard to read about a child that you want because we really start committing at the time we submit our PPA.  When we submit our PPA it means we want to be considered for the child.  It means we want to adopt this child.  And I shouldn't, but every time I read a profile for a child I start becoming attached.  I start thinking of how this child will become a part of our family.  I imagine what things will change and what will stay the same and wonder about the child's personality.  I get excited and anxious and then we wait.  And then we find out we aren't what they're looking for and it's hard.  It's so hard to be excited about something, something that consumes my thoughts, and then find out it's not going to happen.

I'm ranting, but I'm doing it because I want to be able to look back and see what my mood was like at different stages during this process.  Right now, my mood's not good.  Mostly I'm sad and hurt that these case workers don't seem to like us.

I talked to my case worker and she assured me that it isn't because we aren't desirable or that something's wrong with us.  She said that the case workers just might have found something in another family that would be more compatible with the child than we would.  (It's still not easy to hear, but it's really about the kids, not about us).

So that's where we are right now.  And it's hard everyday wondering when I'm going to get a call or an email with a child's profile.  I know it'll happen, but when we've been trying to adopt for so long I can't help but be impatient.